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The Last Transmission Of Big Rig Bob

from Dark Songs Vol. 3 by Holiday Music Motel

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24* The Last Transmission of Big Rig Bob – (Rick Wood, Tireless Fred Young, Craig McClelland) Performed by: Rick Wood - electric guitars, vocals / Tireless Fred Young - slide guitar, vocals / Craig McClelland - bass

lyrics

This is the last transmission of Big Rig Bob. Anyone out there on CB, anyone out on CB main tonight? Over.

I need radio check, radio check 1015, over. Oh hey, White Holler Dan, you out there?
You out there, White Holler Dan? Huh? How ‘bout, uh, Tommy Towtruck? You? Over.

Hey, looking for someone to talk to, runnin’ around from Stephenson out there over Jeffersburg, over here on rural route fifteen, just past the three mile marker. Holy shit, guys, I just seen a big pair of red eyes on the side of the road. Yeah, hey anyone out there seen anything like that? Holy hell, it looked like, it looked like two of the bottom glasses of a stoplight, the red part, spaced about a foot apart. It musta been, I don’t know if it was a reflection or something else, maybe my mind’s playin’ tricks with me, man. I been doin’ uhh… I’ve still got a bunch of that stacker shit left that the government banned a few years ago and I do that on some of these late night runs. Sometimes I think it makes me see trails and stuff, like acid I used to do in the seventies back when I used to roadie for the Stones. Over.

Hey, man, c’mon, I know some of you guys, I ain’t the only guy workin’ this road tonight. CB rad – shortwave goes like a hundred – I mean, I’m the only trucker on the damn planet left? Hey, radio check! Over. ‘Cause I’m scared. Over.

Hey, this is the alien trucker. What is your problem, man?

What’s that again, whatcha call sign is? I can’t hear you. Over.

This is the alien trucker. See all my lights? There’s reasons for them, boy.

Hey up here, White Holler Dan, I know that’s you! Screwin’ me, you probably got your cousin Bob in there to do that stupid alien trucker voice. I ain’t scared of your horseshit no more, man. Hey, this ain’t funny dude. What – hey, hey, hey, c’mon man, how’dja get that shadow to do that thing over there with the light, man? C’mon, don’t – this ain’t – you know I got – you know I’m pissed about – you know my uncle Bob got abducted by aliens when I was in the eighth grade, man. It messed him all up. That’s real screwed, I’m talkin’ to HR as soon as I get back to the depot. Over. Alien trucker, my ass. Over.

Yeah, this is the alien trucker and we are checking out these, see what your ass, we’ll see about what your ass might be doing up there in the exosphere.

Dan? C’mon man, don’t, um, don’t, don’t mess around with me like this. Man, c’mon, I got kids and shit, man. What – don’t, hey, c’mon, seriously, do you want to meet up at the Waffle House over there by Market 24/7? I’ll, I’ll get you hashbrowns. I’ll even pay that you can get them smothered and covered. Over.

Dan? Dan? C’mon answer me, man! Over.

Radio check?

What the -?

What the hell is that, man?

Oh my god! Oh, it’s, that’s not a, that ain’t no, that ain’t no, that ain’t no out.

Ahhhhhhhh! Over.

Yeah, now you believe in the alien trucker? Boy?

Hey man, are you serious, man? Some kinda extra testeral? I mean, terrestrial. Over.

Yeah, that’s probably pretty much what it is, boy. And that, uh, puddle that you’re sittin’ in? Yeah, whatta you think that is?

Hey, you’re supposed to say “over” when you’re done talkin’, dipshit. Don’t aliens know that? Over.

Th-that puddles just the Mountain Dew I spilled earlier, when I swerved to miss a deer. Anyway, whatta you know? How can you see, how can you see in my truck anyway? Over.

Yeah, over as in you should look over the top of your truck because that ain’t no truck I’m drivin’, boy.

Holy shit, you’ve got some kind of spaceship with a dually on it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Hey, you ain’t gonna do nothin’ weird to me like stick some kind of pencil up my butt and check around, are you? Over.

It’ll be kinda like that episode of South Park. You know what I’m talkin’ about.

Still didn’t say over, stupid shit. I don’t watch South Park. I like Family Guy. So puhpuhpuhpuh. Over.

Hey, hey White Holler Dan. Hey, anyone out there I know? Now c’mon. C’mon, listen two-tones. Hey someone come out here and back me up. I got some kinda freaky space alien drivin’ above my truck and flat out know he’s got big ol’ red eyes and shit. And uh, he knew that I peed in my pants a little and now he knows for sure ‘cause I just put it out over the CB. I’m scared he’s gonna abduct me into his saucer like happened to my uncle when I was back in the sixth grade and I don’t wanna get plugged in the butt by some freaky trucker alien. Over.

credits

from Dark Songs Vol. 3, released October 26, 2012
written by - Rick Wood, Tireless Fred Young, Craig McClelland

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Holiday Music Motel Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin

A 1952 motel taken over by musicians in 2007 for the purpose of creating and hosting collaborative songwriting events, The Holiday Music Motel is the world's only motel with its own internet radio station that plays 100% self-generated content 24/7.

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